


Marvel Oneshots

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 12:24:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17828525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Most of it is just bucky barnes angst honestly





	1. Longing

The day suffocated under the night, leaving nothing but darkness among anyone and everyone. As the soilder walked down the light less street, not a soul daring to find their way to him. He was the only one here, not even criminals seemed to linger. The street-lights were out. The road empty. All that remained was alleys of graphiti and trash. The soilder stopped, dead in his tracks. A strong longing for someone, to be there washed upon him. A sense of deja vu, but it wasn't something he felt like he could cast away. It triggered something. It was like when you saw someone you thought you knew, only to find a complete stranger. Nothing came up. No sign that he should know this- besides a small tug in his brain. The feeling in his chest. It all didn't add up. He was the winter soilder- meant to kill the good guys. Not save some idiot in a alley way. He just wanted to see if someone needed help. It felt wrong not too. What felt even more wrong was how he was utterly alone. The wind and his shaky hands were the only moving things, in what felt like the whole world. At least, in his world, he has always and always will be alone. He was a wepond and that was all. Nothing more. He wasn't 'human' anymore. He was an object that followed orders. Yet, the longing for someone /anyone/ to be down this alley, in need of saving devoured him. It was in that moment, he realized, he wasn't always this way, and it hurt. He had people he let down somewhere. Maybe, that's why he is simply a weapond in everyone else's mind. He had people he disappointed. People who worried about him. After all of this, that man is dead. He has been replaced, by the broken solider that follows order. The solider walked out of the dark alley. The feeling had left as soon as it came. He was programmable. If HYDRA didn't like something, they could change it. The solider didn't want to be broken again just for some stupid emotion he couldn't even pin point. He left the longing for the past, in the back alley not wanting to feel it again. After all, his memory's were lost in some dark alley in Brooklyn, somewhere he would never think to find it. Walking along the city streets, feeling lost, the solider struggled to remember why he was here. He was told to be here, he assumed. It was the most logical answer. After all, most people wouldn't want to give up something they worked on for 70 years. He would have remembered if he tried to escape. He remembered every escape attempt he attempted so long ago. It was pointless, and he got caught everytime. It wasn't until he couldn't take the physical pain anymore, that he finally gave in. After all, everyone had their breaking point. Even if it took forever to find, it was still there. Without a clue of who he was, pain was the obvious option. It worked for them at least. All he had to do was follow directions and he would be okay. Everything would be okay. With or without a guy in an alley to save, the winter solider could handle it. He could handle all of it. The soilder broke down at that point. He couldn't handle it. Everyday felt like a knife through his chest. He was drowining, slowly but surely. Yet, there was no one to save him. No life guard, not anything. The broken solider sat on the city sidewalk, a mess of emotions. His life had been replaced with something so awful. Something he wanted to run from. Yet, he couldn't run. He was no longer living; just a ghost used as a tool. He didn't have anything to hold onto, he was being forced to stay. Dead or alive, The Winter Solider was, and will forever be a weapon.


	2. Death of Steve Rogers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve dies on a mission and Bucky is crushed

Bucky just stared, helplessly unable to stop, or stop it from happening. His face was expressionless. In that moment he was just having an overload of emotions. Then in that moment he started thrashing, doing anything to get out of the hands of the person keeping him in place. He was so depserate, he even started to bite. But they didn't let go. Steve was getting stabbed, and Bucky couldn't even do anything about it. Flashes of anger seemed to overcome his vision. He cried out, the only word that mattered right now- Steve. Bucky finally was able to kick the other man in the right place, before crushing him. Moral didn't matter right now, Bucky was beyond rage. Sliding next to Steve as fast as possible, Bucky already knew he was long gone. The guy he knew, grew up with, the guy who would lay his life down for was gone, and he helplessly watched. Bucky did nothing to help. If anything he got them there, if he could have just listened. Bucky just wanted to help after hurting so many people. But of course, the world didn't allow that. Once a 'bad' guy always one. He couldn't be a good person anymore could he. He just got his best friend killed, and then killed another person. He caused all of this, all on his own will. This was different then the other deaths, he caused it. His heart dropped, what was left of his happiness, was gone, and it was his fault. The pain of death gets worse knowing you could prevent it. He had to LIVE with the guilt of killing Steve. Living was harder in pain. You could always pretend the pain wasn't there, but it was. Bucky allowed himself to give up. He completely gave up. He had no fight left in him, besides even if he did, he wouldn't live long with out his best friend. Steve was the only person who made him feel lIke there was hope, hope that he could redeem himself. Hope that he could help people. Steve was there when no one else was. Knowing he could have helped crushed him into a million pieces. Bucky Barnes was finally broken. He let himself be numb, and before he knew it blood was drizzling from his heart. His mind numb, his heart filled with pain. Finally, he had passed. He couldn't live in a world where Steve was cold and stiff anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psh, I obviously don't romantically ship it-


	3. Thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a thought thingie for bucky

Bucky was always pushed away from social events. No one wanted a murder around them. He had trouble fitting in, even with Steve lately. Steve seemed to have move on. Bucky wasn't the same, and his best friend figured that out by now. They weren't the same dudes who went to science conventions together, without a worry in the world. He was full of regret. Confusion. Yet Steve couldn't help. Steve Rogers, a hero to America had nothing to be sorry for. He was a savior. A hero. That was the most honorable thing to be. Even among other heros, Steve seemed to be a focal point. Bucky was the white crayon in the crayon box. Only used occasionally, usually for darker papers. Steve, and the others were the vibrant blues, and greens that dazzled chilren, and could make anything more beautiful. A burst of color in the chaotic mess that was the world. He wasn't mad at Steve. Bucky was beyond proud of what Steve has became. It was what he became that he resented. He was dark, constantly feeling emoty, or to full. There was no stop. No way to redeem himself, and fill that void with hope. There couldn't be hope in something you didn't beileve in. He couldn't rely on Steve forever. One day, he could just disappear. Maybe he would be used as a weapond, like Bucky. Maybe he would die. Maybe Steve Rogers could learn to hate his best friend since forever. Bucky couldn't handle any of those options. He couldn't handle the darkness. Though he may have done some horrible things, he relys on Steve's light to keep him alive. Steve had changed as well though. He wasn't in need of saving. He wasn't in need of support from Bucky on crazy dangerous missions, that Bucky would yell at him for later. Bucky had truely became useless, and he hated it. The headache started. The pain, anxiety and regret had rose. This time, he decided, he wasn't going to make someone catch him. He allowed himself, to finally fall into the darkness


	4. dusted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint sees his family get dusted and yeah

Clint didn't even get time to scream, or stop it. It went to quickly- and he couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't help or stop this. It went by like a flash, and because of that he had no time to save Pietro. Not a moment to react. It was like killing someone without actually killing someone yourself- and honestly that hurt. It hurt like hell. He was supposed to be the good guy that saved EVERYONE. Especially people who needed, and could be saved. If he wouldn't have messed up, the kid would be alive. He could have saved everyone, but he messed up. Heros /weren't/ supposed to mess up. His job is not to mess up, but he did, and mistakes in this field get people killed. He didn't weep though- he didn't regret it. Someone died, yet he only felt sadness. Not an inch of regret, because in reality, he didn't regret it. There were sometimes sacrifices that you couldn't afford to regret. Sure, he would rather save everyone then be here, but sometimes to save people you got to be alive. He was of no use dead. He wouldn't be able to handle apologizing though. It would end up like "Oh hi, your brother died for me, sorry about that." He felt sorry for his sister. Losing someone was definitely one of the toughest things to do, especially when you're close. The only thing you could do was keep marching on, and hope you're alright in the end. It's a mindless routine that you had to face everyday. You just keep going, day after day, and eventually the pain eases. At least, that's what everyone believes. He wasn't sure if it did ever ease, though. You cover it up until it's buried far enough to forget about it. "I'm sorry." He whispered, under his breath. It was meant for the dead, therefore, not to be heard by anyone else. Just like that, he pushed on again, forcing himself to move on, because that's all he could do. You kept moving, until you fell, and that's what he intended to do. After all, pushing forward was what he did best. You pull back, only to go soaring. That's life for you, and honestly, it was painful.


	5. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bucky and steve friend thing

Steve wanted to think of some dorky insult to greet his best friend, but he couldn't. It didn't look like Bucky could either. It wasn't one of those moments where they knew their friendship was safe. Nothing was safe anymore at this point. Instead, they ended up in an embrace. Steve grip was tight, as if his best friend would slip out of his fingers again. It was the grip you had when you were afraid to lose something important. Bucky on the other hand, was hardly even able to touch Steve out of fear. Fear that he would hurt him again. The fear that you could only get from personal experience. Neither moved. Neither said anything. Steve was afraid of letting go, and Bucky was to afraid to move, but they both seemed to have an understanding. You only got this kind of relationship through time and trust. It was something so hard to break, it was like a diamond. Only other diamonds could break it. "You're still a jerk." Steve muttered. Bucky stayed silent, leaving Steve hanging. That small moment of silence was enough to make Steve realize something important. Their friendship would never be the same again. The Bucky Barnes that beat up guys for Steve, and the Steve that got beat up in ally ways was gone. Instead they were two friends, who were fighting demons instead of bullies. Demons that the other one couldn't even comprehend. All they knew, was that they were in this together. 'Till the end of the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was told this was one of the gayest things I've written   
> Whoops


End file.
